My husband: “WOAH. Look at what’s over there! There’s like a huuuuge thing with….
*I turn around to catch a glimpse*
My husband: *POKE IN THE BUTT* …”Gotcha!!”
Yeah, this is my daily life. I am as gullible as a 5 year old child who thinks the stranger actually has candy in his van. Too many stories to count, but here are some highlights:
1. Most def thought Santa Claus was real until I was basically almost old enough to be Mrs. Claus (well, not that bad, but 5th grade.)
2. When I was 10, my mom scared the POOP out of me by calling our house when I was home alone (she was at the neighbors) and saying in a monster-like deep voice: “HELLO LITTLE GIIIIRL”. I ran out of the house screaming. In my defense tho, that was totally messed up mom!!!!
3. When I was in college, Dad could not convince me there was a “Chunnel” i.e. a train that travels under water from England to France. I was like: “Nice try dad. Mixing the words ‘Channel’ with ‘Tunnel’—your Tom Foolery is not gonna work this time!” Turns out, there actually IS a Chunnel (I’ve ridden it), but I didn’t believe him because I would fall for all his other made up crap! DAMNIT. Foiled again.
4. 15 minutes ago, I though this was a real bird:
5. Just now, a guy stops me in the market in which I’m writing this – the same market I always write my blog posts (picture a grocery store mixed with Starbucks) and tells me computers aren’t allowed in here….I laughed at his joke, but let’s be honest, I believed him for a second.
I can’t make this stuff up people. It’s sad, but true….
Yep, das me. I fall so hard, so often, I can’t even get up. And I’m 36 and spry! Now, fast forward 40 years and I’m Mr. Gray. You could prolly sell me the dirt in my own backyard by telling me it’s organic.
No matter how discerning he is in his youth, Mr. Gray falls HARD. Alot. And often. We know this. But why are seniors so gullible? Well, I’m no doctor but I do know (as in I googled it) there’s a part of the brain that controls doubt and belief and it basically deteriorates with age. So, there ya go, Mr. Gray is a perfect target from mean folks on the prowl.
We’ve all heard of those scams where Mr. Gray gets a call that he’s won a free vacation and all he has to do is provide his credit card information to secure the trip. And an even shadier example.. just saw on the news that the scammers would call Mr. Gray and manipulatively pretend they are a friend calling on behalf of their grandchild to bail them out of jail. WHAT THEEEEE?! I mean, heck, I’d fall for that for darn sure. This fake scenario gets Mr. Gray in a frenzy and he just wants to be of help to his loved ones—- POOF! There goes $2,000 of retirement money.
Recently, the DOJ has done something about this horrible stuff and taken action to reduce it. Check out the article please (it’s a super quick read I pinky swear! And I said “please”). Just click below.
So- the highlights for me are $36.5 BILLION DOLLARS are scammed out of Mr. Gray’s corduroy pockets each year.
…times 36.5!!!
Not to bring in politics, but to quote President Trump: “SAD!”. It is hopeful, however, that the DOJ is starting to not only crack down on prosecuting these scumbags (gotta love those 1980’s insults), but initiating the education of seniors. That’s so huge. With a few simple tips – teaching Mr. Gray to not provide information over the phone and recognize “spam” can do a whole lotta good. Each of us can also help Mr. Gray and who doesn’t wanna do that! We all have our own Mr. Grays in our lives (parents, grandparents, siblings, neighbors, aunts, friends, etc.). Taking just 15 minutes to share with them some tips could prevent a whole lotta heartache.
To summarize:
SHAME ON YOU SCAMMERS. KARMA is a youknowwhat.
*HIGH FIVE* DOJ.
and
Let’s all edumacate Mr. Gray so Dr. Evil doesn’t get him!!
I used to have art skillzzzz. I mean, I’m not gonna brag, but I painted some epic still lifes with acrylic paints in 6th grade. My specialties were fruit bowls and flowers lol. Just feast your eyes on this exact replica:
Georgia O’Keefe 1928
Shelly Zemrose 1992
Okay, so maybe I’m not the next Michelangelo, but not too shabby for an 11 year old, right? While I started off STRONG, unfortunately, I peaked in middle school and it’s been all stick figures since. BUT, there’s a silver lining (2 guesses why I love that expression). I luckily remained quite “crafty”……..in more ways than one ;o)….. *shhhh don’t tell my husband* muahaha.
For example, I’m pretty good at stuff like making jewelry, decorative wreathes, posters, etc. It may not land me an art exhibit, but hey, it ties in swimmingly with my Grandma persona! p.s. LITERALLY as I’m writing this sentence at Starbucks, the senior ladies next to me just mentioned crocheting and discussed cleaning out their “yarn stashes” to make room for the new stuff. And I’m thinking, where’s my invite ladies?! So yeah, we elderly and wannabe elderly folks love our crafts. Don’t hate.
While I enjoy crafting (cuz I mean I can take those twigs off your tree and whip you up a vase that would rock your tablescape), I might enjoy buying crafts even more. Which is exactly why I attended/dragged my husband and mother to the local “Flower & Garden Festival.” It’s the perfect place to roll around a wagon and buy a new set of ferns; it’s also the perfect place to check out random goodies my husband doesn’t want me to buy and that I probably don’t actually need. Luckily for MEEEEE, and unluckily for HIM, I came upon the Promised Land/Stand:
Too cute to caption.
Where do I start?!??!?! THE NATURAL MATERIALS. THE RUSTIC FRAMES. THE CREATIVITY. THE PROCESS. THE ARTISTRY. THE MR. GRAY BEHIND THE FRAMES. It was almost too much for me to handle. And then, Mr. Gray tells me HOW he makes these masterpieces and I was like:
I LOVE YOU MAN
Every single piece of material in his artwork is from nature. Scenes of nature, using nature. MIND BLOWN. He scrapes moss and bark off trees. He uses pieces of honeycomb, flowers, whatever he can find and uses the natural colors and textures to create these gems. People were buying these things up like hotcakes and I got right in line/cut the line! Even though our house is mostly decorated, I HAD to find some way to incorporate his genius into our home. Then it dawned on me: future baby room decorrrr, hollaaa! (Never too early to plan ahead and hey, I’m connecting the generations). Anywho, I started out with 1 and ended up with 5 :oDDD
More is more.
Now for some close ups:
Those are birds made of corn husks ya’ll
Twigs and flowers and pebbles, oh my!
I don’t even know what those cows are made of, but I do know it’s au naturale!
As I was carefully selecting these gems, Mr. Gray would tell me the source of each piece of material, sometimes with a story about it; he was so passionate about his work and it really made the art that much more priceless. It was so intriguing to me that he took things in life that are often overlooked like bark, moss, cotton, poppyseeds, etc. and turned them into something of beauty and value.
I’m feeling (“Phil-ing”) an analogy coming in the air tonight:
Don’t many of us do that with elderly folks? They are just there in the background (where I argue, our society has put them) and we under-appreciate them and often, don’t even see them. However, with some attention, they totally come to life and contribute to a more beautiful society.
Because I too fall prey to the “background” stereotype of the elderly, Mr. Gray surprises me time and time again with his abilities. This was one of those moments. Beyond the unique creativity and talent, it was also clear that the process to make these artworks requires some level of physicality- to search through the woods of West Virginia for the materials and gather them. That puts my pilates classes to shame!
So, until we meet again Mr. Gray….
For today, you’ve out-crafted me in more ways than one. ;o)
5th grade. Age 10. A young girl pencils her full name: “Shelly Zemrose” into her bedroom closet. Next up – the window sill – several times just to be safe. She’s about to leave her childhood home, FOR-EV-ER. She wants it to stay a part of her and she most certainly wants everyone to know…it was hers first.
Yeah you may think I’m embarrassed to admit I wrote my name about 20 times in the old bedroom of my first house in Alexandria, Virginia. But no, no I’m not. In fact….
I. WOULD. DO IT. AGAIN. Just doubledogdare me.
Why? Because I am super nostalgic, an old soul, and just a little bit weird. Well, a lot a bit. (stalking Mr. Gray isn’t necessarily “the norm”…………..yet. *evil smirk*)
But in my own defense here, homes mean a lot to people if you’ve lived there for a good while. I mean, memories were made there. It’s the place that keeps you grounded when things are shaky. It’s familiar. It’s comfortable. Where do you want to go after a rough day? Home. It’s also a place for laughter. It has that perfect spot for the Christmas tree where kids have opened gifts year after year. It’s where family has gathered around the dining room table every Thanksgiving- bickered and made up again. The good, the bad, and the ugly — it’s just human nature to love “home.”
Mr. Gray is no exception. At age 10 I was devastated to leave my home and go to a new place. Now put yourselves in Mr. Gray’s orthopedic shoes (hey don’t knock ’em till you try em) and you’ve lived somewhere for 10, 20, maybe 40-50 years and then —- you’re forced to MOVE. And often to a place where you don’t want to go aka a nursing hell (excuse me I meant nursing “home”) and downgraded to a shoebox-sized room with a roomate. SUNDAYFUNDAY!!!!! I mean, just look at the bright side Mr. Gray:
Seriously, this sucks for seniors, and it happens all the time for a variety of reasons: necessity i.e. the family can’t care for Mr. Gray anymore OR Mr. Gray can’t afford his home anymore OR Mr. Gray is simply in the way of progress. Here’s a little “uncool” story of the latter to show you how this type of situation goes down on the regular:
So my hubby, Abe, is a retirement planner and together we co-own the business. We specialize in seniors, so I mean, that works for me ;o) Well, recently, one of our lovely clients, age 75, emailed us and was reaching out to Abe for advice. She was concerned and I would venture to say, frightened, of getting kicked out of her apartment. Here’s a snippet:
“I have a possible dilemma regarding the apartment complex I live in. There has been a change of management company for my complex. They are handling affordable renting now and as such have a maximum income that you can have […] My income alone would not be a problem but they also want to see any assets. This would put me over the maximum […] I do not know what to expect in terms of whether I would be able to stay here even though I have been here for 26 years. On the other hand if you try to rent in the normal rent market, I do not have enough income to qualify and they will not consider savings […] So this leaves me wondering what in the world am I supposed to do. Can you help me figure out what to do.”
Uhhh, talk about stuck between a rock and a hard place – except the rock is your HOME and the hard place is OUT ON THE STREET. Dude. It’s like, does anyone give a *BLEEP* about what happens to this elderly woman? Let me provide the short answer, NOPE. It’s all about the moneymoneymoneymoney. Who cares if this woman has lived in her home forever and would have nowhere to go?!
And no, this isn’t all folks — as another despicable example, I recently read in the paper (yes I’m in my mid 30’s and enjoy a tangible newspaper LOL) about a Washington D.C. apartment complex where many seniors had been living for years and was being turned into college housing. Off with the old on with the new! And BONNNUUUS, handicapped accessible doors are perfect for moving in those beer pong tables!!
NO. NO. and NO.
Cuzzzzz…ya DO building owner people.
Shoot, if people nowadays are forced to change cell phone providers, it’s WWIII, but I guess displacing Mr. Gray is totes acceptable as long as more money is to be made and forward progress. Well what about the fact that HE set the stage for us, created the infrastructure, fought in the wars to protect our buildings. Without Mr. Gray, we very literally, wouldn’t exist, but ya know, he’s past his prime now — old, slow, and wrinkly–so BUHbye.
Mr. Gray deserves his home, or at the very least, the CHOICE to stay in his home. When he can no longer stay in his home due to needing more care, and it’s time for an assisted living or skilled nursing facility, that’s one thing (and for another blog post!), but there are so many cases where Mr. Gray is able and willing to stay.
Most of us couldn’t even handle being booted off of Facebook, so I think it’s only reasonable to stop booting Mr. Gray out of his house. LET MY PEOPLE STAY!!!
I had a major first world problem a few months ago. I mean I couldn’t eat, sleep, breathe, or do life…
Yup, laptop was out of commission. You know when pop-up windows come at your screen Whac-a-mole style? It was a typical viral infection of the worst kind- the one that infects your technology. And even though I do own a desktop, I did what any normal 35 yr old independent woman would do: I ignored the issue for several months and used my husband’s laptop instead.
I mean, who the heck wants to pack up their laptop, drive the whole 30 minutes to the Apple Store, and sit there for what seems like hours to do something so UNfun?!?! But after a few months, I finally put my big girl pants on (aka my non-yoga pants) and decided to head to the store. Actually, I probably did have yoga pants on because I mean you have to be comfortable when you wait longer than 5 minutes for something that doesn’t result in food. So I packed up the ole sick laptop and in another self-demonstration of “females rule the world I don’t need a man I can do it myself”, I dragged my husband Abe with me for moral support.
When we rolled up in the Apple Store on a Saturday (not a Tuesday for you rap lovers), it was shall we say “overcrowded.” This was the sequence of events:
They must be giving something away. Here goes nothin…
Hubby and I part the sea of consumers Moses meets Ninja Warrior style. We workout sooooo…..
We meet blue man group. “Hey, hey guys, we’re smarter than you. How can we help you lowly computer-inept souls?”
So the blue shirt dude takes my name down and tells me it will be 1.5 hours. Come on blue man, I’ve got things to do like watch Narcos on Netflix!! *eye roll*
My husband and I grab empty stools, but for some reason sat at 2 different tables. Sometimes you need your space ya know? Unless of course you’re 75 plus, then it’s you + me = koalas on a tree!
After 10 minutes of mindlessly scrolling on our phones, this day does a zippydedooda 180! Mr. Gray comes into the store like an angel in grandpa jeans. First thought: A senior in an Apple Store?? My curiosity was peaked. It was like an animal out his habitat narrated by the Crocodile Hunter (bet ya just said that again to yourself in his Aussie voice). Second thought: WHY THE HEEECK did he just sit down next to my husband instead of me??!!?!?
“Dear Mr. Gray, he can’t love you like I love you.”
But theeeeen, I thought this is kind of a dream of mine- a marrying of two loves- how poetic. My oooey gooey emotions took over as I gazed upon them:
Have you ever seen something so beautiful in your life? I was basically the Bachelorette handing out the final rose…
When logic took over I quickly switched tables, honed in on Mr. Gray and his Macbook, and tried to get to the bottom of all this with an awkward conversation:
Me: “Hey I’m Shelly. Come here often?”
Gray: “Yeah, I do. Here’s my name, number, address, and let’s hang out every Sunday for bingo and oatmeal. There will be many more of me there!”
Me: “OMG love to!”
Okokokkkkkkkkk this is how the convo actually went:
Me: “Hi I’m Shelly. Are you here to get your computer fixed?”
Gray: “No, I’m just taking a class.”
Me: “Oh, wow I didn’t know they offered classes.”
Gray: “Yeah, I’ve taken them before. They are really good. This ones about……”
I could go on sharing my stalkerish banter, but lemme just summarize: Mr. Gray is a retired pilot (he even gave me his card for proof and it had a plane on it, so I mean, that’s official in my mind). Besides his impressive flying knowledge, he rocked on his laptop. I was watching him open windows and do all this fancy jazz with the icons- up, down, all around.
“I realized quickly that this 80 yr old gentleman knew way more than me about operating his laptop. Mr. Gray clearly had his tech shhhh*** together. ”
I didn’t know if I was feeling embarrassed about my lack of skills or that I underestimated what Mr. Gray could do. Now I was pressed AND impressed. Things were going swimmingly.
Then blue man busted back in my space and totally killed the vibe. I mean don’t you have to save the world or something??!? He asked my husband and I to move since that table was for the technology class. What is this “Mean Girls?” You can’t sit with us! UHHH, NOOOOO SIR NO. Don’t you understand I’m in my happy place right now? That my husband’s seat choice was fate designed by Zeus and Aphrodite and what other Greek-ish names I can’t remember from 9th grade mythology class? So I of course smiled and said “sure” hoping he would be sidetracked by some shiny iphone. He was. So back to my blind day-date with Mr. G….
We chatted more about his piloting career, etc. I even let Abe get a few words in (that’s a rarity for me but I was surprised he was engaging in the discussion). Clearly, I’m making great progress towards building my husband’s senior obsession…….kinda like I did with my cat, Prince. Abe always hated cats and for a few years would toss him off the couch…but nooooowww…it’s all excuse me cutesy paw games and fur kisses. Think I’m winning the war on both fronts. p.s. I hope he doesn’t read this. Sorry babe cat’s out of the bag about your new love for cats (pun intended ;o))
At long last, boy blue comes out from his supertech lair and gives me my just-like-new laptop. Although I knew this meant it was the end of today’s encounter with Mr. Gray, his class was gettin’ started and who am I to get in the way of this computer wiz? So, as I clung to his pilot card, Abe and I bid Mr. Gray adieu with the realization:
Age is just a number when it comes to computers, and if you ever need yours fixed, take a number and prepare to age. ;o)
When called an idiot, better to be quiet than open mouth and remove all doubt.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.
Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
Hahaha I love these! I mean. These MAY embody Confucius’ best advice of all time (second to saying people should respect their elders, of course).
I don’t know about you, but when I think of Confucius I always think of: long white beard; old; wise; Chinese. Essentially, Mr. Gray with an Asian flair….i.e. this image:
When I look at this photo I definitely think, yeah that dude knows some sh#*!). (My apologies, that was very PG-13 of me). But seriously, if he tells me “Hello Shelly – ’tis better to take the straight and narrow path” then slap my ruby slippers on me because I’m skipping down that road fo sho.
Now, I’d venture to say that if the image we have of Confucius was instead, of a young strapping 20 something:
I’m like, wise and stuff.
….I don’t think society would have turned him into a “thing”, i.e. Confucius memes. But what’s the obvious differentiating factor here that would impact this? A to the G to the E. AGE!
Ya mon: you need the GRAY to back the SAY.
We have long connected wisdom to seniors and in some countries, they are highly valued because of it. For example, in most Asian countries (go Asia go Asia) Mr. Gray is treated like GOLD — kept, collected, protected, cherished. In the U.S. (you’re totes slackin’ here red, white, and blue), Mr. Gray is treated more like a rusty iron, used, brittle, ready to break and be replaced. If you ask me, the U.S. is crazytown, because seniors can drop knowledge like Beyonce dropped “Lemonade.” They know so much!!!
This may not be as sophisticated as Confucius, but the OG Mr. Gray (i.e. my grandpa) knew how to fix every health ailment with one magical drink.
Prunce juice.
Hey don’t knock it ’till you try it. Seriously though, every time I had a stomach ache, constipation (oh, don’t be bashful), etc., he would tell me to drink prune juice and was like Mr. Gray in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” was with windex: PRUNE JUICE FIXES EVERYTHIIIIING! Now, being the old woman I am and always was, I actually liked prune juice at age 10, BUT, I wasn’t necessarily thrilled to drink it every time he recommended it. However, most times, it did the trick and all was well again in the world.
We all have things like that from our grandparents, older folks around us, right? I bet if you thought about it right now you could think of one you’ve heard of that’s worked for you. READY GO! For example, activated charcoal is a trendy (and effective) thing now to take if you think you ate something with a bad bacteria because it binds to it and out it goes! News to me, but senior citizens already knew that.
You just googled activated charcoal, didn’t you?
Well, anywho, I mentioned that to my dad recently after he had food poisoning and he was like “uh DUUUUH Shelly, my mother used to burn potato skins to make a charcoal slurry and give to it to Bernie (my uncle) when he was sick back in the day” (My dad doesn’t talk like that, for the record ;o)). But clearly he knew what was up. And to make me feel even more like an idiot, I thought, “Did my dad just say ‘slurry’ when he meant to say ‘slurpee.’ What the heck is a slurry?!?! Oh man I was old-schooled that day.
But the wisdom Mr. Gray has goes far beyond little tidbits. It’s deep and vast like the ocean— love, relationships, finances, spirituality, even happiness. Luckily for us, Mr. Gray loves to share his knowledge! And thank goodness because us young folks need it like we need to breathe air whether we’ve realized it yet or not.
Recently, Mr. Gray sent me his “5 Pillars of Life” that he believes are the key to living a happy, fun-filled life. Literally, this 66 year old I don’t really know took likely hours out of his day to create a document (a GOOGLE DOC – see my “Tech Savvy” entry) to share this life experience with me….to share with all of you! I was honored, flattered, and mostly thankful, because who doesn’t want the key to happiness?!
Sprinkle it ON USSS!
Drumroll please………..Mr. Gray’s 5 Pillars of Life AAARREEE:
Mind – Lifetime of learning
Body – Healthy weight, regular check-ups
Spirit – Explore something greater than yourself
Finances – Live well within your means (or below)
Relationships – Build and maintain a solid network (from spouse to neighbors)
These are listed in order of importance (hey Mind, you my #1 boo). Mr. Gray say: “Man who masters all 5, lives 1 happy life.” Read that in a Confucius voice – totally works.
Got it? Good. Then, Mr. Gray hit me with a BOOOOONUS 6th pillar that happens naturally when all 5 are mastered, but sometimes needs to be planned: FUN. He pointed out that this is not an easy task and is a life-long pursuit, but it is achievable. To demonstrate this, Mr. Gray shared how he personally works on each area:
The way I play this out in my personal life is my wife and I start each day with a three-mile, brisk walk every morning (Body). We discuss our family and our plans, and we strategize for what needs to be done. We spend some of that walking time praying together for our children, extended family, friends, community, and for their intentions (Spirit). We attend church with our family regularly and try to live a life consistent with our religious beliefs (Spirit). We live well within our means, have invested wisely, and have done so throughout our lives. I spend time strategizing best investments and profit from stock market fluctuation (Finances). I read non-fiction books, magazines, and online media on a variety of topics. I attend technical conferences to keep up with what’s going on in the world and how I might benefit myself and my community from what I learn (Mind). I maintain a great relationship with my wife, children, and siblings. I serve on the boards of directors in community organizations, and am a leader in my church. I meet my daughters and my friends for lunch several times each month, and renew friendship with people I haven’t seen in many years (Relationships). I make sure my family takes vacations every summer, on luxury cruises or other vacations to the beach, mountains, historical sites, etc. I take a weekend getaway with my wife to celebrate our wedding anniversary each year (Fun).
Savage, Mr. Gray, Savage. There certainly is a simple brilliance in this advice. It’s almost so common sense that it’s not something we often think about, especially when we’re younger in life. But Mr. Gray shared this dose of wisdom to help younger (and older folks) take note, and hopefully, take action.
Personally, the biggest takeaway I had from this was BALANCE. When all key areas of life are addressed and given attention, there is balance. What a wise sage Mr. Gray is…not beyond his years…but because of his years.
They must be giving something away. Here goes nothin…
Hubby and I part the sea of consumers Moses meets Ninja Warrior style. We workout sooooo…..
Have you ever seen something so beautiful in your life? I was basically the Bachelorette handing out the final rose…
Recent Comments